Finding Your Lisa.

It could resemble a full orchestra playing an acoustic dream in your head, or a lightning storm switching on every physical sensation within your body, or possibly merely a feeling of calm waves lapping through your veins; that moment when you have a powerful connection with another human being is a unique but often an addictive experience that we would love to pour into a refillable bottle and bathe ourselves in at a moment’s notice. It could be a friendship connection which has the potential to build into a life-long relationship, a romantic connection which has a wide range of possibilities and destinations, a business connection which may take you into an exciting new direction or a spiritual connection that breathes new life into your potentially depleted soul.

Spending time in solitude in my bedroom with just my cuddly toys for comfort was my cotton wool place of reassurance when I was a child. My inner world offered me sufficient company and I had no yearning to disturb it with human interaction, with body language deciphering, with an expectation on me to respond. My inanimate creatures welcomed my silence, they had no requirement for me to take on a character, act out a role. That world was my safe, secure womb where I could gain all necessary life sustenance that I believed I needed. If I flick through the childhood photo album in my head I see a girl who feared connection, who viewed it through grey-tinted spectacles, who failed to embrace any positives it may bring.

But what about Justine Partington; the girl with the pink dress with the big collar; the girl with the short wavy hair; the girl who welcomed me with her gap-toothed smile when I tentatively stepped into Miss Bradburn’s infant class on my first day of school; the girl who became my best friend through the 7 years of primary school? What about Cara Burke with her stig-of-the-dump, previous perm disaster hairstyle; with her bolshy, tough, boys don’t scare me, I can break your wrists in a game of Mercy attitude; who easily chatted to the reserved 11 year old during her first few weeks at high school; the girl who became my very first friend for life? And what about Lisa Warburton; the young woman with her I can balance a bottle of pop on my head instead of carrying it in a shopping bag quirkiness; the young woman who sought to reach a hand of kindness out to anyone who needed it; the young woman who struck up an easy conversation with another woman who was waiting for one of many doctor’s appointments at university; the young woman who became my soul sister that day and has continued to be ever since?

I hadn’t recognised each of these life affirming, life changing, life enhancing, life steadying experiences for what they were; a collision of two souls, a reaction of chemicals; a balancing of atoms. That little girl surrounded by her cosy soft animals had assumed that all interaction with unfamiliar humans would be exhausting, unnatural, awkward. She hadn’t appreciated that the easy friendship with Justine was because there was something that had inexplicably linked them, which had rendered them like cheese and tomato, like sausages and mash, like bagels and cream cheese. She hadn’t realised that there were a few souls in this world where, after only seconds, you believe that you’ve known them for eons. She hadn’t realised that the uniqueness of this experience is what made it so incredibly singular.

As rare as it can be, I now rejoice when I have a connected encounter that can knock the proverbial wind out of my sails. I admit I can occasionally have a initial Cinderella style hope that this will develop into a long lasting something when it comes to a romantic connection but because of the bond I have formed with myself over recent times, then this very quickly transforms to realism, understanding that intimate isn’t always what it was meant to be, that there can be a multitude of reasons that the spontaneous link was made and with careful watering then that seed can still grow into a enduring tree until the end of life.

As human beings we are wired for connection, it’s in our DNA and whilst there may be several stumbles, trips and cut knees on the road to finding it, when we find our Justine, our Cara, our Lisa, the paint drying, boiling kettle watching, delayed train anticipating years that we’ve waited will be buried under the cavernous belly laughs, the silent hand of compassion on the shoulder, the nodding smile of shared understanding and the cuddly toy comfort blanket of security.